What I learned about Deconstruction and Reconstruction

The last year has brought about a widescale reminder of our mortality. We’re not immortal. We age. We grow up. Unless Jesus returns first, all of us will die. This communal awareness of dying has made me think a lot more about living. I’ve resisted a doom and gloom posture in favor of a newfound zeal for embracing life. What’s the best way to live? What does a healthy life look like?  As I watch my parents and other friends near old age, as I turned 40 a few years back, as I raise 3 daughters, I’ve though a lot about the stages of life.  My reading and reflection resulted in 3 sermons I preached last month, which I wanted to share.  I’ll start with growing up.

I’ve spent a lot of time with young people. I ministered to hundreds of teens during my 10 years as a youth minister. I’ve taught over a thousand college students in my decade plus teaching at Lipscomb University. And now, of course, I’m living with a 7-, 9-, and 13-year-old.  Here’s what I’ve learned about growing up. It’s a gradual process of sorting through the values, teachings, and priorities absorbed from family, friends, education, and culture. A child and teen sorts through all they’ve inherited, learned, and seen as they gradually make decisions on what to keep and what to discard. To put it differently, growing up is a rhythm of deconstruction and reconstruction.  Just like me, some make wise decisions. Also like me, some make unwise decisions.

As we consider growing up, I want to start with Matthew 7:24-29. 24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”28 When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29 because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

Jesus says that our lives are like houses. If we build our lives on obeying Jesus’ teaching, we’ll have strong house. If we do not follow Jesus, we’ll have a weak house. I’d like to dig into this house metaphor a bit. 

Since last fall, we’ve been remodeling our basement. We’ve wanted to do this since we moved into the house 8 years ago. We’ve been steadily saving up and planning. You see, we didn’t build the house. We didn’t design the house. We didn’t create the house. It was given to us when we bought it. We like it, but parts of it didn’t fit us. Quickly, we did a lot of painting for example. Over time, we’ve made it more and our own. The foundation is the same. The main design is mostly the same. The previous owners would still recognize it. But we’ve steadily had to decide what should be kept and what should be changed.

We decided to change the basement. We spent weeks decluttering. We knocked out a wall. Of course, before doing that, we had to make sure it wasn’t a support wall.  If you knock down a support wall in the basement, the whole house could come down. You have to be careful what you destroy. On one particular day, we did most of the demolition. That was a great day.  It’s fun to tear down. I like seeing the progress. I like seeing the openness.  I like imagining what things could become.   Sometimes to make something your own, you have to change it. Before you can reconstruct it, you have to deconstruct somethings.

Ecclesiastes 3:3 says there is a time to tear down and a time to build. As you grow older, you will need to tear down some things. By tearing down, I mean you will need to change some things, just as I tore down a wall. But don’t tear down everything, just as I didn’t tear down the support walls. 

What does this look like?  Growing up, I thought war was really cool. I devoured GI Joe comic books. My favorite TV show as a late 1980s drama called Tour of Duty.  I remember watching the Oliver Stone film Platoon one Saturday night when I was probably 16 or 17. The next morning, I was bragging to my buddies at church about it. My youth minister overheard the conversation. The next week, he had a Vietnam Vet teach class. He shared some appropriate stories of what war is really like. That changed how I saw war. I deconstructed my immature view that war was cool. I tore it down. I deconstructed it.

I’ll give you another example. I used to be a sports fanatic. I enjoy sports now, but I used to have little perspective on it. I measured people by their athletic ability. Without consciously realizing it, I gave more worth to be people good at sports.  When I performed poorly in sports, it wrecked me. When my favorite team lost, it ruined my day. I finally realized that was ridiculous, even ungodly. Sports had become an idol for me. So I tore down that wall. I deconstructed it. 

Last example, growing up, I was taught to abstain from bad language and tobacco. Gradually, I saw four letter words and smoking as the measuring sticks of discipleship. If you were a good Christian, you didn’t cuss or smoke. If you cussed or smoke, well…I’ll be praying for you. Eventually, I realized this needed to be deconstructed. To be clear, I don’t recommend bad language or tobacco. Jesus wants us to be respectful and healthy, but he clearly doesn’t have the obsession with those topics I had growing up. Those aren’t the main characteristics of a disciple. I didn’t totally tear them down, but I did learn to put them in their proper perspective. 

But there are some things I never tore down. These were support things for me. My family and my church heavily emphasized telling the truth. Being a person of integrity was a main thing. As Jesus said, let your yes be yes and your no be no. It was drilled into me to be a person of my word. If people can’t trust you, it all falls apart. I’ve kept this emphasis. I’d rather be wrong than a liar. I’d rather be embarrassed than be a liar. Truth is foundational because God is a God of truth.

I’ll give you another example. I’ve never torn down marriage. It was modeled and taught to me as a child, and it’s remained a support. I think being married works better than living together without marriage or just hooking up. I believe marriage is a holy, joyful context for sex, a safe, wise structure for rearing children, and a building block of a healthy society. My life experience has only made this belief stronger. Now, I confess I’ve had to adapt this in a way that makes space for the single folks in my life. I’ve had to make space for dear friends who have experienced the pain of divorce. Jesus calls us to do that. But the beauty and goodness of marriage has been a support beam. 

I’ll give you one more example. I’ve never torn down the Bible in my life. It a key part of my family and church. It was always modeled to me that good things happen when we read the Bible. As I got older, I realized not everyone interprets the Bible the same way. I realized not everyone believes the Bible refers to historical events. I’ve realized the Bible is an ancient book, and I have to remember its context when reading it. At times, this caused me to have a suspicious outlook towards the Bible. I was tempted to tear down my reliance on the Bible. But ultimately, I decided to keep that foundation. I don’t see the Bible the exact same way I did when I was 16, but I have the same level of respect for it. The Bible is God’s word. I have a default trust in God’s ability to use it, not a default suspicion. 

I use these examples intentionally. As we get older, especially between the ages of 16 and 22, we do a lot of remodeling. We’ve inherited a belief system, and we need to make wise decisions as we make it our own. Be careful what you decide to tear down. Be careful about what you decide to keep. 

But understand the times. We live in a culture that has an intense deconstruction mindset. We live in a season of distrust across the ideological spectrum. Some people say drain the swamp. Some people say burn it all down. To be clear, as I’ve said throughout, some things need deconstruction. But we must be weary of the perpetual deconstruction framework.

Some people spend every day tearing stuff down, but never build anything back up. I’ve spent time with a lot of people in their mid to late 20s, sometimes even older, who have this view. They constantly tell you what they’re against. They constantly tell you who is to blame. They constantly tell you they don’t believe what they grew up believing. They have an anti-mindset. But many of these folks can’t tell you what they’re for. They’re aimless. They’ve spent all their time deconstructing but no time reconstructing. If you never build it back up, the question is this, where are you going to live? If all I did was tear down walls in my house, well, at some point you have to build it back up. Otherwise, you live in ruins. A lot of people in our world live in chaotic ruins.

I want something better for you. Let me give you two examples of healthy deconstruction and reconstruction. I don’t agree with these two individuals on everything, but I respect how they ultimately reconstructed in a Jesus way. My friend Bob grew up in a Christian tradition different from mine. His family was somewhat involved but not heavily involved. Overall, he had good memories of growing up in that tradition, and overall, he had a good childhood. While in college and graduate school, his parents’ marriage ended. At the same time, his church tradition experienced many high-profile struggles. He felt distant from his faith. He didn’t attend worship. He dated, but he wasn’t sure marriage was for him. He went through a time of deconstruction. He was a voracious reader. Ultimately, he decided he had to live somewhere. He couldn’t live in ruins. He decided to return to the church of his youth. He decided to marry his girlfriend. Today, they have several children, and they’re one of the most involved families in their church. As Ecclesiastes says, there’s a time to tear down and a time to build up.

My friend Lindsey grew up in a church very similar to my church. When she was in college, she became interested in the homeless community. She asked big questions about affordable housing, living wages, the criminal justice system, substance abuse treatment, and the mental health system.  She was unsatisfied with how the current structures of church and government loved the homeless. So she tore some stuff down. She deconstructed some. But ultimately, she built back up. She helped create an organization called Open Table which advocates for those on the street. She participates in church although she does it in ways that likely seem nontraditional to many of us. As Ecclesiastes says, there’s a time to tear down and a time to build up.

As I said, I don’t agree with every decision either of these made, but that’s kinda the point. It’s not my life. It’s their life. You have to decide what your life is going to be. It’s no one else’s life. It’s your life. 

But for those kids and teens I love, I simply have two requests for you. First, make sure you reconstruct after you deconstruct. Spend just as much time thinking about what you believe as thinking about what you don’t believe. Spend just as much time thinking about what you’re for as what you’re against. Don’t get caught in the cycle of perpetual deconstruction. It’s toxic. It’s what Satan wants. Don’t live in ruins. We want better for you.

Second, always build on Jesus. You know, when people change or shift on something, they often use the phrase, “I evolved on this issue.” I get what they’re saying. To evolve is saying you’ve changed in a better way. I’m careful about using it, because in a disagreement, it can be condescending. It can sound like I’m more advanced than you. But I get what they’re saying. People grow. People change. And all of us like to think we’re changing for the better. But know this, you can’t evolve beyond Jesus. You can’t grow past Jesus. You can’t become wiser than Jesus. Jesus is God. Jesus is Lord. This is the gospel. Jesus must always be the target of our growth. The alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end.

Kids and teens, you will grow up. You’ll encounter new ideas. You’ll change your mind on some things. You’ll decide you don’t agree with me or this church on some things. Sometimes, you’ll distance yourself from some things but then come back after a while. You’ll probably rebel some. All of this is normal. Don’t let it stress you out. Take your time.  But when you remodel your house, make sure you build it back up. Don’t live in ruins. Make sure you build your life on the foundation of Jesus.  The wise person builds their life on Jesus, and when the storm comes, they are ready. The foolish person builds their life on the shifting sands of the trends and fads of this world, and when the storm comes, their house is destroyed. Don’t be foolish. Be wise.