4 Tips on Going Back to “Normal” Church
As vaccinations have increased, life has slowly returned to “normal”, even church life. I put normal in quotes because there’s still plenty of mask-wearing, distancing, and half capacity rooms. Still, for my church, the numbers on zoom and podcasts have declined as numbers returning in person have increased. The excitement of this past Easter will be with me for a long time. A sense of joy has returned, but the joy is not alone. It’s accompanied by some awkwardness, fatigue, and bits of pain and sadness. I’ve searched for ways to understand the social dynamic of coming back after so many months apart. Gradually, it reminded me of two things I’ve experienced before. Both can offer us insight on this cultural moment.
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? For 16 months before my wife and I married, we dated long distance. We spent hours on the phone and counted down the days till we saw each other again. In those rare weekends and holidays when we saw each other face to face, the anticipation grew intense. While finally being together proved exciting, it had some wrinkles. After the length of a normal phone call ended, we often reached an awkward silence. Moreover, the anticipation sometimes translated to heightened expectations of making amazing memories. As you’ve probably experienced, expectations can cause anxiety and unmet expectations can cause resentment. All of this made us realize that while face to face beats distance every time, you have to give yourself space to warm up to it. Collectively, as we’ve relied on phone calls, livestreams, zoom, podcasts, and driveway visits, it’s as if we’ve been in a long-distance relationship. It’s exciting to come back, but let’s acknowledge the social complexity.
Have you ever been back to a high school reunion? A few years back, I attended my 20-year reunion and had a blast. Some people looked just the same. We fell into conversation patterns that were comfortable and reminded me of the good old days. While we’d all changed, some had changed a lot. Some of the conversations seemed stilted and forced. We were the same and not the same. A week or so ago, I actually got the opportunity to visit my old high school and speak to their graduating seniors. As I walked down the hall past my older locker, memories flooded over me from every corner-some good and some bad. I enjoyed being back, and yet, I realized I wasn’t back. I was in the same place, but I was not the same person. Moreover, my friends weren’t there. I returned to my old school, but I realized this truth, “you can never completely go back.” Likewise, as we return to church life, we can return to familiar places, but we’re all different now. The events of the past year shaped us all. If you have a large group of people and everyone changes a little bit, the entire group will feel different. That’s what has happened to us now.
You may have heard the expression, “you can only dip your toe in the same river once.” If you dip your toe just seconds apart, it’s no longer the same water. The current is always moving. Time is always moving. Change remains a great truth of life. We can’t go back to normal, but we can lean into a new normal. Friends around me have shown me four wise tips for claiming this new “normal” church life.
1. Grieve the loss. Spend some time naming all that you lost this past year-missed vacations, holidays, traditions, and income. Give yourself space to mourn the illness, suffering, lost lives, chaos, and discord. At our church, we passed out paper one Sunday. We invited everyone of all ages to make their list while we sat together and quietly grieved. As we return, there may be empty pews. Some have died. Some have lost faith. Some aren’t coming back. Some have gone elsewhere. It’s heavy. Spend some time with it. Name it. Invite Jesus into it with you. He’s no stranger to grief and loss.
2. Take your time. When I miss a couple of weeks of running and then start back, it hurts. My body needs to warm back up. Socially, we’ll need a time of adjustment. I’ve been talking to a lot of introverted friends about this. Some of them haven’t been around more than ten people in over a year. For them, the thought of walking into a room of more than a hundred, even if spread out, causes concern. It’s overwhelming. For those who have long held steady, frequent church rhythms, be careful about diving in immediately. Back to running, increasing your distance too quickly creates risk for injury. Slow down. Give it time. Warm up. Take your time.
3. Show Grace. I’m preparing for a long stretch of social awkwardness. After all, at times during this, I’ve looked in the mirror and thought, “I may be as weird as I’ve ever been.” Back to the long-distance relationship or high school reunion, being back together may be awkward after the time we’ve been apart and all we’ve collectively experienced. More than that, some will return with great resentment. That resentment may center on others in their church. Maybe they had a different perspective on masks or vaccines. Maybe they tweeted a political thought that troubled you. Maybe they never checked on you. What do we do with that resentment? First, we must remember how God has treated us. We must remember that God has shown grace to us and prepare to show grace to others. Second, if we’re unable to heal on our own, we must go to the person in search of reconciliation. Jesus teaches us this in Matthew 18. If we’re unable to get past something, we must resist gossip and go directly to the person with love. Certainly, if the situation has a level of toxicity to it, wisdom may lead you to hit the pause button. Still, the long-term goal should be reconciliation. We’ve all been through a lot. Let’s cut each other some slack. Let’s make space for confession, repentance, apologies, and forgiveness. Let’s pursue reconciliation and show grace. It’s what God has done for us.
4. Imagine a better future. In the rushed excitement to come back, let’s not settle. In the well-intentioned desire to go back, let’s think before bringing everything back. Perhaps, we can use this time of disruption to reassess priorities. As I think about my church, I picture events that probably don’t need to show back up on our calendar. There are ministries and programs that need fresh ideas. Every week, friends tell me how much this last year showed them the need to slow down. I hope my church calendar doesn’t get as busy as in the past, so we can all have more time to rest, connect with our neighbors, and live uncluttered, unhurried lives. Let’s not try to go back. Let’s try to go forward.
After all, that’s the posture we have as believers in the resurrection of Jesus. The Risen Christ shows us that death has been conquered, and therefore, no matter what happens, our best days are yet to come. On that Sunday when my church listed our losses, we ultimately flipped over the paper. On the fresh, clean side of the paper, we wrote down all the things that we’re looking forward to. We imagined a better future, better than all we can ask or imagine. Let’s look to the future with joy and hope. Let’s look forward, not back. Jesus offers us that vision.
